Scroll: Dream Changers
Dreams are less like reaching for the stars and more like catching and riding clouds. Those who fear dreaming haven’t faced their fear of heights yet. You find and settle on a cloud hoping it passes the one you were chasing when you began. From NBA 2k covers to opportunities to play professional basketball, the world is witnessing J Cole catch dreams we believed he let escape him more than 10 years ago.
In 2013 I flew off to Kansas in pursuit of a dream I believed would take tangible form over time. I played football, and athletes are familiar with subjecting their lives to relocating or discomfort. We believe our dreams are worth whatever risk presents itself. This is why artists dauntlessly move to new cities and see no issue with crashing on couches or in their cars, all before creating art about the pain they’ve collected. But to dream is to risk your comfort and prepare yourself to play the long game, at least for visions you hope to see through. Leaving home was an innocent decision fueled more by faith than passion. I dropped an aspiration into God’s hands hoping He would do something meaningful with it, or at least what I envisioned. But, I still kept my dream tucked, unwilling to release or live without the desire to wake up one day and see what I’d been dreaming about.
I stayed in Kansas for a year before returning home and transferring to a community college in Orlando. Although I left with a hazy vision of somehow making my way onto someone’s college and professional team, when I got back my heart was holding aspirations and prayers I didn’t remember leaving with. Sometimes, it’s okay for God to use a dream, briefly, to fulfill another one. They take us to new heights and new places, in mind and body, but we rarely finish the journey holding the luggage we started with. When I enrolled in school back home in 2014 I had plans of transferring to the University of Central Florida hoping to land a spot on the football team. Fortunately, I ended up at USF.
As unrealistic as it seems in retrospect, I’m still glad I allowed that dream to remain what it was, a dream. By this time, Dreamville wasn’t merely a label, but a home and mantra for J Cole. 2014 Forest Hills Drive posed a question 10 seconds into the album that would help me reorder, let go of my dreams, or grab hold of new ones; “Do you wanna be, happy?” We define happiness for ourselves when we let our dreams embody what makes us happy. And releasing obsolete dreams can free us.
Art, writing, and expression slowly and silently became passions. People and the refuge of the community drew me in, and I wanted to write about all of this. I went from wanting to do what was profitable for my pockets, to what was therapeutic and restorative for the world around me. My purpose was cultivated, even after embarrassingly failed attempts at trying to walk in it. But figuring a dream out was what would help me flesh purpose out. Seeing how I could impact people outside of a helmet and protective equipment reminded me that I had hands for other things. God won’t let you drop things He gave only you the grip to hold.
When “To Pimp a Butterfly” was released in 2015 every story around me became more picturesque and I wanted to do for others what Kendrick’s story was doing for myself and those I would discuss it with at work. I was a cook at Zaxbys near UCF, walking to and from work every day and making $8.25, which wasn’t enough to save me from getting evicted once, but something about dropping fryers then was okay because I hadn’t dropped my ability to dream.
By 2016, words were falling out of my heart onto paper, and I stared down at them as they looked back at me. I’d outran my dream after I caught a glimpse of purpose and never told anyone, but others noticed how less passionate or consistent I was about living in ways that reflected my dreams of being an athlete.
I spent time reading, writing, and checking out 7 books from the school library at a time. I remember blazing through “The New Jim Crow” and vibrant colors from my highlights in Ronald Takaki’s “A Different Mirror.” Ta-Nehisi Coates’s vivid imagery and homely storytelling abilities inspired me to narrate my own tales on paper in ways that brought to life everyone’s emotions.
Coates and Kendrick reminded me that black boys had eyes to see more and hearts to love other things. Our eyes and visions are capable of creating spaces in the future that include all of us and help us see one another through. Dreams started to feel more like flights or tickets to other places, but we rarely catch the same plane out of the place we arrived. And some of us have quietly changed flights more times than others can count.
After a tragedy in 2020, I was afraid of dreaming. When life strips you of everything, you endure being haunted by the anxiety of losing it again. The struggle to obtain rarely trumps the horror of losing what you’ve acquired. Tragedy made laying down to dream again feel like revisiting a nightmare. But we shouldn’t fear dreaming and the unexplored emotions of having faith, knowing we might get let down.
The difference between the person who moved a mountain and those who took years to navigate it is only one of them knew how tiny the mustard seed was. When we write visions down and give them to God, we might imagine him unrolling a scroll, and scanning it for details, shallow aspirations, or small and selfish ambitions. No dream should have one character. And God is the only one we can trust to read our scrolls.
To this day, I don’t remember telling those who loved me the things I was no longer passionate about. I just pursued something new in silence. J Cole’s assurance of “If they don’t know your dreams, then they can't shoot em’ down” reminded me of how precious dreams were, and although they’re usually out of sight, people still aim to have them in their scope. But God will bulletproof the dreams He gave you, so no one can shoot them down.
As dreamers, we live for the milestones and lean into the pivotal moments. Cole, through his undying efforts to continually lace up his sneakers, reminds us that dreams are never really deferred; and being awakened from one dream only reveals the possibility of having another. Just remember we can’t be heavy sleepers because as long as God continues to wake you up, there’s more to dream.
Told by: Kwon
